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Sales Rep Disappointed No-One Has Ever Asked What He’d Be Willing To Do To Sell An OCT
An ophthalmic sales rep today revealed that disappointingly he has never been asked what he would be willing to do to close the deal...
Halloween Special: Crow’s Juicy Feast Thwarted By Dead Man’s Tough Scleral Lenses
A crow today finally met his match as he was unable to enjoy the deliciousness of a recently deceased man's vitreous on account of...
Coincidence: Study Finds All Visual Fields Performed Just Before 5pm Are Good Enough To Just Repeat In 6 Months
Researchers today announced the shock finding that all visual field tests performed just before 5pm amazingly lead to no change in the patient's management....
Man Says The Glasses He Bought Three Years Ago and Has Worn Every Day Since Were Never Any Good
A man who has managed to wear his glasses for approximately 1000 days has advised his optometrist that they were never any good and...
Patient Who Is 25 Minutes Late For Appointment Somehow Thinks You’re Glad To See Them
A local woman has proudly exclaimed “I made it!” as she casually strolled through the door at her local optometry practice, a mere 25...
New Juicy McNuggets Now Have 20% More Vitreous
McDonalds has announced their new and improved McNuggets now have 20% more delicious juicy vitreous.
“One thing our customers have come to expect from us,...
Survey Finds 98% Of Optometrists Would Be Interested In Joining A Heist To Steal iCare Tonometer Probes
A survey has found conclusive evidence that almost all optometrists would be interested in joining a heist to steal iCare tonometer probes.
The data shows...
Joe Biden’s Cataracts Have Somehow Grown Back
The White House announced today that despite having already had IOL’s and YAG capsulotomies, somehow Joe Biden has developed grade 3 nuclear cataracts.
“The...
Biden Orders Drone Strike After Seeing Strange Balloon During Eye Exam
Joe Biden has immediately ordered a drone to strike his local optometry practice after seeing a strange balloon while having his eyes tested.
“Shoot it...
Optometry Franchisee Celebrates 10 Years of Living With His Parents
An optometrist who made the misguided decision to buy a franchised “store” has celebrated his 10th year of moving back in with his parents.
“They...
University Eye Clinic Lubricant Stocks Depleted As Optometry Student Mating Season Begins
A University eye clinic supervisor today was completely unable to locate any lubricants anywhere within the clinic.
After an hour spent searching through every...
Dry Eye Conference To Be Held At SeaWorld AquaTheatre
A new dry eye conference has been announced for later this year, to be held at the Seaworld Aquatheatre, home of the famous high...
Ophthalmologist Impressed By All-You-Can-Eat Buffet in Corner of New Operating Theatre
An ophthalmologist today has reported that he is quite impressed by the size and offerings of the all-you-can-eat buffet situated in the corner of...
Optometry Student Working In Pizza Restaurant Has No Idea This Will Be Life’s Most Enjoyable Job
A 22 year old optometry student working at a local pizza store is completely oblivious to the fact that his job satisfaction is all...
AOA and AAO Presidents Agree To Cage Fight At Vegas Octogon
The presidents of the American Optometric Association and The American Academy Of Ophthalmology have decided to settle this beef for good, and cage fight...