A sweaty and out of breath Mark Zuckerberg today held a media conference to advise that the company had finally located and quarantined the server hosting a picture of viral conjunctivitis, which was recently posted by a careless user.
Zuckerberg said “We tried flooding the server network with iodine but it was too late. Just when we thought we’d have to sit there and watch helplessly as this thing gradually infected every image, we finally found it on an old immunocompromised server out the back”.
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The website’s executives were alerted last night to an outbreak of conjunctivitis spreading quickly through user’s images, the highest profile of which being a group selfie taken at the Oscars where Ellen and her friends clearly have bilateral chemosis and discharge.
Facebook has reiterated to all users that their terms and conditions explicitly say to not share pictures of contagious illnesses. “I don’t know who honestly doesn’t take the time to read our very basic and contemporaneous terms and conditions. Seriously”
Facebook did not reveal who the careless user was who shared the first infected image however they did say that it originated on a Facebook group of optometrists who for some reason are happy to highlight their diagnostic ineptitude in front of thousands of other colleagues.
