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Vision Expo A Success After Almost No Optometrists Got So Drunk They Shat Their Bed
Organizers at this year’s Vision Expo were very impressed by the “relatively few” numbers of optometrists who defecated in their high thread count hotel...
Halloween Special: Crow’s Juicy Feast Thwarted By Dead Man’s Tough Scleral Lenses
A crow today finally met his match as he was unable to enjoy the deliciousness of a recently deceased man's vitreous on account of...
Ophthalmologist and Patient Officially Run Out Of Small Talk After 60th Intravitreal Injection
The silence was deafening in Consult Room 3 today, as a patient and doctor officially ran out of small talk after the patient's 60th...
Joe Biden’s Cataracts Have Somehow Grown Back
The White House announced today that despite having already had IOL’s and YAG capsulotomies, somehow Joe Biden has developed grade 3 nuclear cataracts.
“The...
Unhappy Man Says Broken Glasses Are Barely Even 12 Years Old
A local man has taken his frustration out on the staff at Vision Gainz California today after a pair of glasses he purchased barely...
Inflation Bites As Optometrists Struggle To Maintain 1000% Markups
Optometrists around the country are feeling the pinch as inflation sets in, with many struggling to even maintain a humble 1000% margin on single...
Dave Ramsay Stumped By Optometrist Who Has Spent $800,000 On iCare Tonometer Probes
Popular financial guru Dave Ramsay has finally been stumped by a phone call from a desperate optometrist who has somehow racked up over $800,000...
After 40 Years, Retiring Ophthalmologist Still Remembered By Colleagues For His Epic Flatulence As A Trainee
As the speeches at Dr Frank Lowan's retirement party drew to a close today, it became apparent that despite 40 years of tireless service...
Ophthalmologist and Patient Officially Run Out Of Small Talk After 60th Intravitreal Injection
The silence was deafening in Consult Room 3 today, as a patient and doctor officially ran out of small talk after the patient's 60th...
Professionals Who Spend All Day In Dim Rooms Say Children Should Spend More Time Outdoors
In myopia control news an entire profession who spends all day indoors, mostly in dim rooms, has urged children to play outside more.
The new...
Stoned Opticians Wonder Where Does The Blue Light Actually Go?
20th April: A group of local opticians today have blown their own minds by wondering where the blue light actually goes when patients wear...
Vin Diesel Doesn’t Want Strong Glasses – Says He Lives His Life One Quarter Dioptre At A Time
Fast and The Furious star Vin Diesel says he doesn’t want you to make his prescription much higher because he lives his life one...
Confused Father Takes Myopic Kids For Spray Tan After Optometrist Suggests They Spend More Time Outdoors
A local man today completely misunderstood the myopia control message his child’s optometrist was trying to make.
“Tim’s myopia continues to progress. In addition to...
“I Now Pronounce You Husband and Wife” Practitioner-Patient Relationship Officially Coverts From Creepy Tryst To Cute Love Story
In what can only be described as a supernatural phenomenon, today Dr Sam Brody and his new wife/ongoing patient Libby Templeton, have forever been...
7 Signs Your Optometrist Is Living In Their Car
If you think that the life of an optometrist is all about golf, business class airfares and creamy banana splits for dessert on a...