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Vision Expo A Success After Almost No Optometrists Got So Drunk They Shat Their Bed
Organizers at this year’s Vision Expo were very impressed by the “relatively few” numbers of optometrists who defecated in their high thread count hotel...
Ghost of Patrick Swayze Appears While Optometrist Takes Scleral Mould
In a surprise to local contact lens specialist Teena Moore, the ghost of Patrick Swayze appeared today while she was taking an impression mould...
New OCT Automatically Cancels Doctor’s Dinner Plans When a Macula Off Detachment Is Detected
Excited doctors today crowded into Copenhagen's Bella Center for the launch of the newest generation of ultra sophisticated OCT imaging devices, including the first...
Joe Biden’s Cataracts Have Somehow Grown Back
The White House announced today that despite having already had IOL’s and YAG capsulotomies, somehow Joe Biden has developed grade 3 nuclear cataracts.
“The...
Unhappy Man Says Broken Glasses Are Barely Even 12 Years Old
A local man has taken his frustration out on the staff at Vision Gainz California today after a pair of glasses he purchased barely...
Professionals Who Spend All Day In Dim Rooms Say Children Should Spend More Time Outdoors
In myopia control news an entire profession who spends all day indoors, mostly in dim rooms, has urged children to play outside more.
The new...
AOA and AAO Presidents Agree To Cage Fight At Vegas Octogon
The presidents of the American Optometric Association and The American Academy Of Ophthalmology have decided to settle this beef for good, and cage fight...
Inflation Bites As Optometrists Struggle To Maintain 1000% Markups
Optometrists around the country are feeling the pinch as inflation sets in, with many struggling to even maintain a humble 1000% margin on single...
Dave Ramsay Stumped By Optometrist Who Has Spent $800,000 On iCare Tonometer Probes
Popular financial guru Dave Ramsay has finally been stumped by a phone call from a desperate optometrist who has somehow racked up over $800,000...
After 40 Years, Retiring Ophthalmologist Still Remembered By Colleagues For His Epic Flatulence As A Trainee
As the speeches at Dr Frank Lowan's retirement party drew to a close today, it became apparent that despite 40 years of tireless service...
Balding Optometrist Worried His Anterior Scotoma Is Getting Worse
It's 2am and local optometrist Keith Stephenson is having yet another soul crushing look in the mirror as he realises that his hairline is...
Peace Plan: U.N Air Drops Receptionists Into War-zone So Troops Have Someone To Take Their Anger Out On Other Than Each Other
In an attempt to bring about peace in an increasingly bloody conflict, the United Nations today decided to air-drop thousands of receptionists into the...
Halloween Special: Crow’s Juicy Feast Thwarted By Dead Man’s Tough Scleral Lenses
A crow today finally met his match as he was unable to enjoy the deliciousness of a recently deceased man's vitreous on account of...
Optometry Franchisee Celebrates 10 Years of Living With His Parents
An optometrist who made the misguided decision to buy a franchised “store” has celebrated his 10th year of moving back in with his parents.
“They...
Practice Will Sell You A NFT Of Your Retina For Just $600
An optometry practice has found a way to bypass any resistance to paying for retina photos by rebranding them as super unique NFT’s.
The retina...