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Sales Rep Disappointed No-One Has Ever Asked What He’d Be Willing To Do To Sell An OCT
An ophthalmic sales rep today revealed that disappointingly he has never been asked what he would be willing to do to close the deal...
Total Coincidence – Discount Laser Center Launches $1400 Lasik Special
In news completely unrelated to the Biden Covid19 relief bill, a discount laser eye surgery chain has developed a sudden urge to promote $1400...
New OCT Software Predicts Likelihood Patient Is Related To Nicolas Cage
In a major development in the use of artificial intelligence in medicine, a new OCT software update will now predict the likelihood that a...
Man Says The Glasses He Bought Three Years Ago and Has Worn Every Day Since Were Never Any Good
A man who has managed to wear his glasses for approximately 1000 days has advised his optometrist that they were never any good and...
Patient Who Is 25 Minutes Late For Appointment Somehow Thinks You’re Glad To See Them
A local woman has proudly exclaimed “I made it!” as she casually strolled through the door at her local optometry practice, a mere 25...
New Juicy McNuggets Now Have 20% More Vitreous
McDonalds has announced their new and improved McNuggets now have 20% more delicious juicy vitreous.
“One thing our customers have come to expect from us,...
Survey Finds 98% Of Optometrists Would Be Interested In Joining A Heist To Steal iCare Tonometer Probes
A survey has found conclusive evidence that almost all optometrists would be interested in joining a heist to steal iCare tonometer probes.
The data shows...
Biden Orders Drone Strike After Seeing Strange Balloon During Eye Exam
Joe Biden has immediately ordered a drone to strike his local optometry practice after seeing a strange balloon while having his eyes tested.
“Shoot it...
Joe Biden’s Cataracts Have Somehow Grown Back
The White House announced today that despite having already had IOL’s and YAG capsulotomies, somehow Joe Biden has developed grade 3 nuclear cataracts.
“The...
Optometry Franchisee Celebrates 10 Years of Living With His Parents
An optometrist who made the misguided decision to buy a franchised “store” has celebrated his 10th year of moving back in with his parents.
“They...
Wow, This Kid’s Rich Friend Even Has His Own Optometrist Tied Up In His Basement!
Little Ted Kenneally today was amazed that as well as all the latest video games, his rich friend also has his very own optometrist...
Human Ectasia Tucker Carlson Says He’s Rooting For Pseudomonas
Prominent incel and Putin apologist Tucker Carlson today revealed that he is rooting for pseudomonas.
“How do we know it’s even that bad? I’m allowed...
Ophthal Conference Fun As Doctors Enjoy Annual Enucleated Eyeball Hill Chase
There were smiles all round today as the nation’s ophthalmologists partook in their annual enucleated eyeball hill chase.
The hill chase, which is in its...
Survey Finds 98% Of Optometrists Would Be Interested In Joining A Heist To Steal iCare Tonometer Probes
A survey has found conclusive evidence that almost all optometrists would be interested in joining a heist to steal iCare tonometer probes.
The data shows...
Always Sad – Retina and Choroid Agree To Go Their Separate Ways
In a move that has shocked friends, today Retina and Choroid have announced they have decided to part ways after 25 years together.
Sources...