Brussels: The United Nations today issued a decree that all humans, no matter their location or wealth status, should be universally able to access air, clean water and free nosepads.
Special Envoy For Human Dignity, Andreas Bridgeman said in a statement “it was clearly the intention of God that the spoils of this earth be made free for all humans to share equally. The commoditisation of natural resources must be limited such that no person should ever have to go without the basic necessities of clean air, water and free replacement nosepads”.
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Bridgeman went on to say “Sure, many patients may purchase their glasses elsewhere, but there is no reason why an optical practice should charge for an item in which they have themselves invested both time and money in procuring and installing. Whilst Earth’s entire capitalistic backbone is driven by this exact type of transaction, nosepads should clearly be exempt from the corruption of capitalism. The world has enough billionaires already”.
Car tyre and watch battery manufacturers welcomed the announcement and have already made submissions seeking to add their products to the list of those to be given away by businesses at unlimited amounts at no cost to consumers.
