“Holy moley, this is crazy!!! I can feel my eyeballs stretching and I’m gonna puke” Lucas, age 6 , former hyperope.
A study has confirmed what optometrists have long suspected – that the Gravetron ride is 100% responsible for all childhood myopia.
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“We knew it, we just needed to prove it.” Study author, Dr Mark Pullimore.
The authors have also announced that a new type of pseudomonas has been discovered in the gaps between the rock hard gym mats which line the ride’s walls and have never been washed even once. The strain is resistant to all antibiotics and G forces.
