The government today issued a mandatory recall of all 2014 graduating optometrists following evidence indicating a bad batch.
Head of Consumer Safety, Dr Peter Heimlich announced that the issue has been traced back to a faulty guest lecture given to these students in October 2014. The guest lecture was delivered by retired academic Professor Daryl Gunste and government quality controllers have noted that this batch of optometrists was particularly corrupted by the faulty lecture.
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Heimlich explained “This batch of optometrists had most of the qualities of typical graduates except for some heavily outdated and dangerous knowledge which we traced back to the Prof Gunste guest lecture. For example, this batch was led to believe that the best treatment for diabetic retinopathy was leeching of the conjunctiva, and that abstinence reduces risk of myopia.”
An anonymous graduate from the 2014 batch told our reporters “To be honest we knew that Gunste was an old twit. He measured the girls’ skirt lengths and kept saying how surprised he was that there were so many ‘ethnics’ in the course these days. I don’t mind going back to relearn the final year though, I kind of had an awkward situation recently where I did a lobotomy on someone with diplopia so yeah, I probably could use a bit of a refresh”.
