The Association of Xenomorphic International Stromas (AXIS) has organised mass protests at stadiums worldwide today, asking for footballs to stop being kicked so aggressively.
President of AXIS, Ms Fiona Steepkay, says “it’s time that those corneal supremacists with spherical privilege stepped back and realised that there are others in this world who can’t see a football being assaulted without knowing that it’s yet another subconscious act of aggression towards those of us born as bi-meridianed ametropes”.
The National Football League has released a statement apologising for any offence which the AXIS members may have taken, and has offered free toric orthokeratology to all footballs used in today’s matches.
Steepkay says her members won’t be bought off that easily “no, we won’t ‘chill out’ until all those football executives with spherical corneas are sacked and replaced by astigmats. No cyl no say”.
