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Survey Finds 98% Of Optometrists Would Be Interested In Joining A Heist To Steal iCare Tonometer Probes
A survey has found conclusive evidence that almost all optometrists would be interested in joining a heist to steal iCare tonometer probes.
The data shows...
Ghost of Patrick Swayze Appears While Optometrist Takes Scleral Mould
In a surprise to local contact lens specialist Teena Moore, the ghost of Patrick Swayze appeared today while she was taking an impression mould...
New OCT Automatically Cancels Doctor’s Dinner Plans When a Macula Off Detachment Is Detected
Excited doctors today crowded into Copenhagen's Bella Center for the launch of the newest generation of ultra sophisticated OCT imaging devices, including the first...
Joe Biden’s Cataracts Have Somehow Grown Back
The White House announced today that despite having already had IOL’s and YAG capsulotomies, somehow Joe Biden has developed grade 3 nuclear cataracts.
“The...
Protanope Splurges On New Brown Suit For Barbie Premiere
A local protanope has splurged on a new $500 brown suit to wear to the Barbie movie premiere.
The man is planning to attend the...
Patient Who Is 25 Minutes Late For Appointment Somehow Thinks You’re Glad To See Them
A local woman has proudly exclaimed “I made it!” as she casually strolled through the door at her local optometry practice, a mere 25...
Vision Expo A Success After Almost No Optometrists Got So Drunk They Shat Their Bed
Organizers at this year’s Vision Expo were very impressed by the “relatively few” numbers of optometrists who defecated in their high thread count hotel...
Hypocrite Who Wants More Regulation On Dailies Is Totally Fine With Automatic Guns
A local optometrist today was left scrambling for excuses once again as he attempted to justify the existence of semi automatic guns in a...
“Know Any Good Chinese Restaurants?” Asks Local Idiot To His Optometrist Of Korean Descent
In what has been the third racially insensitive remark which 23 year old optometrist Sally Kim has endured today, a local buffoon has felt...
Gillette Releases Multifocal Contact Lens With 5 Zones And A Lubricating Strip
"Sharp Vision At All Distances" is the slogan for Gillette's surprise new multifocal contact lens, which is the first ever to include 5 zones...
Nation’s Children Announce They Know The Stickers Given At The End Of Eye Tests Are Worthless
In a press conference hosted outside Chuck E Cheese today, the nation's children broke the news that they are completely aware that the stickers...
Trump Races Out To Use Presidential Optical Allowance Before Election
Whilst not formally acknowledging any refractive error, Donald Trump today left The White House in a last minute trip to make the most of...